Chapman University – The division on the study of American fears
‘A 2015 study at the Chapman University in California looked at “fears of the average American”’
American Psychological Association – Group safety
‘in the distant past, humans would have been at threat from large predators and so evolved to operate in groups for safety’
Harvard Business Review – To overcome your fear of public speaking, stop thinking about yourself
‘There is also the idea that during these prehistoric times, having eyes facing towards you’
Medical News Today – What to know about amygdala hijack
‘a signal is sent to the amygdala, which sits in the temporal lobe of the brain’
Self-talk as a regulatory mechanism
‘In a 2014 study by the American Psychological Association, psychologists looked at the pronouns we use when adopting self-talk and how these can impact how we feel’
American Psychological Association – Get excited: reappraising pre-performance anxiety as excitement
‘Harvard professor Alison Wood Brooks looked into whether the “calm down” strategy actually works when it comes to public speaking’
The Hearing Journal – The art of nonverbal communication in practice
‘As human beings we are trained to pick up on body language and in fact 70 per cent of what we read from people comes from their non-verbal signals’
Huffington Post – ‘Government ministers spent £10,000 on RADA acting lessons’
‘It was reported that government ministers had been given skills training from the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art (RADA)’
Inside our heads we hear our voices differently.
‘inside our head we hear our voice in two different ways’
Below is a picture of my Grandad 'Matt the cat' mentioned in this chapter.
PsychCare – Hardwired for connection
Psychology Today – Wired to connect
‘Humans are a social species and we are built to rely on each other.’
Australian Journal of Psycohology – Nature vs. nurture is nonsense
Simply Psychology – Nature vs. nuture debate in psychology
‘Time and time again the research has found that while we can safely say there are some genetic markers in all areas of our personality’
BBC – the science behind why some of us are shy
BBC Sounds CrowdScience – Why am I shy?
‘the trait of shyness is said to only be 30 per cent genetic’
Simply Psychology – Carl Jung’s theory of personality
Truity – Extraversion vs. introversion
‘Based on psychologist Carl Yung’s description of personality types’
Simply Psychology – Can extroverts have social anxiety? Signs and how to cope
16 Personalities – When the need to connect becomes terrifying: The dilemma of the shy extravert
‘Somebody could have the personality type of an extrovert but still be shy’
National Library of Medicine – Social anxiety disorder
Mental Heath UK – What is anxiety disorder?
‘It’s reported that around 8 million people in the UK struggle with social anxiety disorder and it’s the third most common mental condition in the world.’
‘Your brain has experienced something that made it feel unsafe in a social setting in the past and has decided it doesn’t fancy feeling that way again’
Connecticut College – Are we becoming more socially awkward?
‘a recent study by Cecilia Brown … has indicated that more time online equals a worsening ability to deal with face-to-face interactions’
Greater Good Magazine – How stories change the brain
‘Our brains like things to be packaged neatly into a narrative’
Princeton University – Snap judgments decide a face’s character, psychologist finds
‘a study at Princeton University showed that it takes just one tenth of a second’
Is social media use making us lonely?
‘Studies have also explored whether our overuse of online interaction is impairing our ability to connect in real life’
PubMed – How awkward! Social anxiety and the perceived consequences of social blunders
Social blunders
Umatter – Understanding your communication style
‘There are generally considered to be four main communication styles’
National Library of Medicine – Twins early development study
‘Dr Robert Plomin, an American-British psychologist and geneticist, studied more than 10,000 sets of twins to explore whether our behaviours are mainly determined at birth or whether learned behaviours and environment play a bigger factor’
Encyclopaedia of Neuroscience – Reticular activating system
‘there is a bundle of nerves at the base of the brainstem called the reticular activating system (RAS for short)’
New York Times – Like, uptalk?
‘“upspeak” (a term first coined by journalist James Gorman in a 1993 New York Times article)’
YouGov – Women are more likely than men to say they’re a people-pleaser
‘It does appear that a lot of people-pleasing behaviours seem more prevalent in women’
Berkeley Wellbeing – People pleasing personality
UCL – Uncertainty can cause more stress than inevitable pain
‘Research from a UCL study proved that we would rather feel physical pain than live with uncertainty.’
Association for Psychological Science – The liking gap in conversations
‘A study conducted by the Association for Psychological Science discovered something that is now called the “liking gap”.’
Harvard University – Question-asking increases liking
‘If you ask questions and allow them to speak, research from a Harvard University study tells us that this will make them like you more.’
Hacker Young Chartered Accountants – Number of new businesses in the UK
‘From 2020 to 2021, a staggering 726,000 new start-up businesses opened in the UK’
Narrative fallacy
Nassim Taleb, The Black Swan (Random House, 2007)
Science Direct – Belief formation
‘researchers believe limiting beliefs evolved as a means for us to protect ourselves’
Dominican University of California – Study focuses on strategies for achieving goals, resolutions
‘a study by Dr Gail Matthews, professor of psychology at Dominican University of California, proved that we’re 42 per cent more likely to achieve our goals if we write them down’
Science daily – Fearing the unknown research
‘JK’s story is a positive one and it was fascinating to see so many people using the pandemic as a springboard to begin something new.’
‘Experiencing a sense of isolation from the group can activate the brain’s survival instincts, leading to an exaggerated perception of the stakes involved’
Science Direct – Negativity Bias
‘our brains are historically wired for survival, so they assume the worst in order to be ready to protect us’
Insider – Reed Hastings Netflix
‘[Hastings] believes that to “disagree silently is disloyal to Netflix”’
Joel Garfinkle on being more vocal
‘Joel Garfinkle, an executive leadership coach, suggests speaking at least three times.’
The Association for Psychological Science – Power posing research
‘In 2012, the world was wowed by Harvard psychologist Amy Cuddy’s TED Talk on “power posing”’
The British Psychological Society – A decade of power posing: where do we stand?
‘Since then, the research has become a little blurry as to whether people actually feel different after adopting these poses’
Psychology Today – The neuroscience of speaking with your hands
‘This stems back to Neanderthal times when we were potentially carrying weapons and so our hands (and our thumbs in particular since we need them to hold these weapons) were dangerous.’
Science of People – Hand gestures
Psychology Today – Your hand gestures are speaking for you
‘We are also programmed to see those who talk with their hands as more confident’
‘If you’re unsure about what people are earning then check out the website Glassdoor’
Frontiers in Psychology – Vagus Nerve as modulator of the brain–gut axis
‘Calm that anxiety by stimulating your vagus nerve’
‘American psychiatrist Aaron Beck shared that we do this because we often have overly rigid and unrealistic expectations for our social interactions’
Berkeley Wellbeing – People pleasing
People pleasing
Nathaniel Brandon, The Six Pillars of Self-esteem (Random House USA, 1995)
The Guardian – The price of love?
‘A slightly depressing fact I heard recently (based on research done by Professor Robin Dunbar, an evolutionary psychologist at the University of Oxford) was that when we get into a relationship, we lose on average two close friends.’
Dr Terri Orbuch, Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship (Sourcebooks Casablanca, 2012)
‘Research conducted by Dr Terri Orbuch … tells us that space and privacy are more important to us in a long-term relationship than a good sex life.’
Guest feature by Persia Lawson
‘Circle of Security International is a parenting organisation that definitely supports the idea of “good enough”’
Cambridge University Press – Maximizers versus satisficers
‘In the 1950s, American psychologist Herbert Simon coined the names “Satisficers” and “Maximisers”’
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology – Maximizing versus satisficing
‘Barry Schwartz, a psychology professor and author, is a big fan of being a “satisficer”’
Barry Schwartz, The Paradox of Choice (Harper Perennial, 2005)
Other resources on maximisers versus satisficers:
Sage Journal – The maximising penalty
Cambridge University Press – The way of making choices
The Guardian – Marie Kondo interview
‘the Queen of Tidy herself came out and admitted that after having had three children she has “kind of given up” on having a tidy home.’
Redbook Mag – 19 old parenting tips
‘In 1911, the tome A Handbook of Obstetric Nursing gave the advice that women should not snuggle or kiss their babies as it would “foolishly spoil them”’
Francis Haultain, A Handbook of Obstetric Nursing (Young J. Pentland, 1902)
John Watson, Psychological Care of the Infant and Child (W.W. Norton & Company, Inc, 1928)
Walter Sacket, Bringing up Babies (Harper & Row, Publishers, 1962)
‘The antidote to guilt is self-compassion.’
The Independent – ‘I was too busy to get a smear test’
‘Esther Hodges, a mum from Barnet in London, shared her tragic story in the UK press recently about how she put off a cervical screening for 13 years because she was “too busy”.’
BC Medical Journal – Matrescence
In 1973, Dana Raphael, a medical anthropologist, gave this physical, psychological and emotional transition into motherhood a name to acknowledge the upheaval it brings: “matrescence”’
‘In Reproductive, psychiatrist Alexandra Sacks’ Ted Talk, she discusses this “push and pull” feeling in depth’
Mental Practice – Effective stress management training for novice surgeons
‘Studies have shown that imagining something before doing it can support you in lowering your stress levels. One such study took novice surgeons and got them to imagine doing surgery’
Psychological Science – How many seconds to a first impression?
‘Studies conducted at Princeton University found that people make huge judgements about likeability, trustworthiness, competence, attractiveness and aggressiveness within just 1/10th of a second of meeting someone for the first time.’
The British Psychological Society – How quickly do interviewers reach decisions?
‘A team of researchers did a study that involved setting up interviews between 166 interviewers and nearly 700 undergraduate and masters students’
National MagLab – Duchenne smile
‘It’s named after the French physician Guillaume Duchenne, who studied the muscles in the human body, including the ones that control facial expressions.’
‘around 80 per cent of us actually can fake a smile and make it look believable
‘Alabama University study that looked at handshakes found that they give away a lot about our personality type.’
Allan Pease and Barbara Pease, The Definitive Book of Body Language (Orion, 2017)
‘a technique I was taught by Robin Roberts on what to do when you’re really stuck for an answer’
You have 7.4 seconds to make an impression
‘Statistically, recruiters will spend an average of 7.4 seconds looking at a CV’
Agency Central – What is the cost of making a bad hire?
‘A recent study shared that a “bad hire” (someone who is hired and doesn’t end up doing a good job) on an annual salary of £42,000 can end up costing a company upwards of £132,000.’
Health Central – Are anxiety and excitement the same?
‘Anxiety displays in our bodies in a similar way to excitedness’
Life Hacker – Avoid fidgeting to ace your next job interview
‘Adecco Staffing USA, a workforce solutions company, surveyed over 500 hiring managers and results showed that 26 per cent of applicants interviewed were rejected for fidgeting too much.’
The Health Sciences Academy – Can you strengthen your muscles by thought alone?
‘A team of scientists at Cleveland Clinic foundation in Ohio researched whether we could increase our muscle strength by imagining doing exercises.’
Scientific Reports – Third-person self-talk facilitates emotion regulation
‘studies show that by talking about ourselves in this distanced way we naturally become more compassionate towards ourselves’
Additional resources
Boston University – Filtered pics can be hazardous to your health
‘This phenomenon is even being dubbed “Snapchat dysmorphia”.’
The Guardian – Faking it: how selfie dysmorphia is driving people to seek surgery
American Medical Association – The Selfie effect
‘a rise in people taking filtered images of themselves to surgeons to get them to recreate the filtered “look” in real life.’
Selfies – Living in the era of filtered photographs
‘Researchers at Boston University’s dermatology department recently published an article in the JAMA medical journal stating “Now, it is not just celebrities propagating beauty standards: it is a classmate, a co-worker, or a friend.”’
University of Jena study – How words impact on pain
‘A 2019 study from the University of Jena in Germany looked at what would happen if participants were exposed to negative and pain-related words before and during medical procedures.’
Andrew Newberg and Mark Robert Waldman, Words Can Change Your Brain (Penguin, 2013)
Psych Central – Do words have the power to change your brain?
‘Concentrating and meditating on positive thoughts, positive feelings and positive outcomes is more powerful than any drug in changing habits and beliefs we may hold within us.’
Medium article about Aerie campaign.
‘In 2017, the American women’s underwear company Aerie launched their campaign “#AerieReal”
‘Since around 2012 there has been a rise in the modern-day body positivity movement on social media.’
Medical News Today – What to know about the body positivity movement
‘Body positivity as a movement actually started back in the 1960s when the phrase “fat acceptance” came into our vocabulary.’
PubMed – Epidemiology of Eating Disorders
‘An ultra-slim, androgenous physique was now on trend and a rise in eating disorders came with it.’
‘The modern social media revolution of body positivity began in the 2010s’
Glamour – Jameela Jamil on body neutrality
‘Actress Jameela Jamil is an advocate of body neutrality and shared in Glamour magazine’
Anne Poirier, The Body Joyful Revolution (Woodhall Press, 2021)
The New York Times – Can body neutrality change the way you work out?
‘Body neutrality is shifting the way you see your body. It is changing the narrative when you look in the mirror.’
‘In the powerful words of actress Emma Thompson’
The Mirror – Mum shares honest photos of ‘disgusting’ post-baby body to help other mothers
‘The Losing Mumma blogger Chantelle Donnelly went viral in 2020 with her post sharing that she found her post-baby body “disgusting”.’
‘Ellen Pompeo, the star of Grey’s Anatomy, shared the “mental gymnastics” she has had to do’
Very Well Mind – 10 big benefits of smiling
‘Smiling can help us look more confident’
Samantha Renke, You Are the Best Thing Since Sliced Bread (Ebury, 2022)
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