So 2016 is here. I can already tell we are going to make it a good one.
I think, though, in order for us to move forward we need to leave a few things behind.
No one needs to wear crocs, OK? Promise? I mean it, enough now. They look vile. You promised OK?! So that’s final, I don’t want to see it again.
Men in those skinny “gymer” vests…just no. Enough now. It’s great you go to the gym. I applaud you and you are wonderful.I am clapping you in my heart. I’m sure you love leg days (or is it that you hate leg days, I dunno) and tupperwear excites you, I know you pump protein into your veins and for that, you are awesome, but the vests make you look like a twat.
Bad eyebrows. We don’t need to have them anymore. Hurray! It’s an exciting time we live in. I know, I know, I grew up with Pamela Anderson, the era of the skinny brow, no internet and I shaved my eyebrows. We have all made terrible, terrible life choices, but it’s OK. It’s all going to be OK now. Sshh shhh shhhh…
The Kadashians, what is this? It’s boring is what it is. Watching rich people swan about, force feeding us nothingness, numbing our brains and not teaching us anything good.
They have all had lots of work done on their bodies, retouch every photo ever shown of them and live their lives being followed. You may stop feeling bad about yourself, it’s not real.
Donald Trump was a joke until 2015 and suddenly we all realised some people didn’t get the memo on that one and they were actually looking to him to lead a global super power! Oh hell no! This crazy haired bafoon also has some really heinous ideas people, and a huge KKK following.
It’s all pretty horrible, let’s not do that in 2016. He can go now, it’s really not funny anymore.
People saying “bae”. It’s not a word. It makes you sound like you’re a 12 year old 1 direction fan (if you are 12, you can continue to use it until you hit 16 and then that will do) People think it means babe, its a horrible word to say, just ugh, enough, enough, enough.
On fleek. If you are a teen, again, fill your boots, this stuff is reserved for you, but adults. No! It’s too try hard, it makes everyone feel awkward and you’re not pulling it off!!!
FarmVille type game requests. So annoying. So, so, so, terribly annoying. When I get one, I worry about the person wasting their life. Judgey? yes, I know, but, FarmVille?! Really? You’re building your farm up are you? Or are you lying on your sofa in your joggers, eating Doritos, and losing hours of your life?
Just a thought farmers.
Girls that call their girl mates ‘the wife’ & ‘the wifey’, it’s so embarrassing, I really dislike this. It makes me cringe inside and I’m sure i’m not alone. I’m so glad you’re close, but i’m pretty sure she isn’t your wife.
Date night. When did this become a thing? So you’re already seeing someone, even married and you have to tell the world you’re on a date. Im glad you’re in love. I’m totally in love with love, but just go on your date. I don’t want to be part of your ‘just met’ fantasies.
Anyway, this year lets all be amazing, with full eyebrows, croc-less feet and ignoring Kim K’s arse.